Acting like a grownup

I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect parent. We all screw up once in a while. All we can do is hope that we get it right more often than we screw up. I see nothing wrong with making mistakes in parenting. I do, however, think it's reasonable to expect each person to take responsibility for the welfare of their own children.

Here's an example: I took my kids to the beach today. There was another little boy there, around three years old, playing around in the water. After the second time he was knocked over by a wave and I had to pull him out of the water, I asked him where his parents were. He said, "Over there!" and pointed down the beach. At a woman a good 30 yards down the beach, lying back in a chair, with a towel over her face. Seriously, who lets their three year old in the water when they are not only not with them, but not even watching?!? After a while I wondered if she had fallen asleep, and politely let her know that her son was about to drown, she yelled at him, "I told you to stay here! Don't leave without me again!" Then leaned back in her chair and put the towel over her face again.

My point is that our society has become so lazy, they often don't even feel an obligation to raise their own children anymore. This is not just about safety, although that is possibly the most important part of it. It's about making the time and the effort to ensure that your child is ready to join society at some point. We assume someone else will take care of the problem - either the schools, the community, other relatives, or in the case of this poor kid at the beach, a complete stranger.

The problem is that we have become extremely self-centered. Parents used to ensure that kids had manners, responsibility, values, an education, and a safe environment. All of that takes a lot of work, and many parents today are so desperate for a break from work, they let the rest go. Well, guess what? You're a parent now - your needs are no longer the priority. I don't care how tired you are when you come home from work. If your kid needs help with his homework, you help him. You do not let him skip it for one night and assume the teacher will catch him up. If your child is misbehaving, you solve the problem. You do not throw your hands in the air, say, "I can't do anything with her!" and go back to watching television. I don't expect every child who is entering kindergarten to be a voracious reader, but there is no reason why they shouldn't be able to identify at least some letters, colors, and shapes, as well as writing their first name. And "He didn't qualify for Head Start" is not an excuse - you are more than capable of talking to that child about what color his shirt is, or show him the letters you see on a sign.

Yes, it's a daunting task. Yes, it's overwhelming. And yes, everyone needs some time off once in a while. But if you don't get that time off, then you just don't get it. Get over yourself and realize that your first responsibility is toward your children, not yourself. High school is over - it's way past time to stop being lazy and selfish.