So let's get to the point. Military wives piss me off. Not all of them, of course. I have some really good friends who are military wives, and I love them to death. But there is a reason I don't go to the spouse events that they have all the time. I don't want to be associated with most of these people. So I've compiled a few pointers for how to not be a sad, pathetic, and annoying military wife.
1. Stop making it all about you. You are not a "hero" because you stay home and watch children. Don't get me wrong, if you're doing it for the right reasons, it is admirable. But seriously, not a big deal. Not even if your husband is a Marine. I see stickers all over town that say, "Marine Wife: Toughest Job in the Corps." Really? I don't know what you do in your daily life, but I don't believe I've ever had anyone try to kill me during my daily routine. I don't have to carry a 60 pound backpack when I'm doing my job. And if someone dies while I'm at work, I can call someone to pick them up. I don't have to throw them over my shoulder and hope I can move fast enough to escape with a body on my back. Yeah, I would say that makes a lot of military jobs a little tougher than mine.
2. Stop acting like a middle school student with a secret club. One of the reasons I don't do social events with the wives of the people my husband works with is because they look down their noses at newcomers. I have gone to events with people who enthusiastically called, emailed, and facebooked me, practically begging me to meet them. Then when I got there, I was treated like a leper.
3. Don't pity yourself. Deployment sucks. It's month after month of anxiety, anger, resentment, and confusion. If you need to whine about it occasionally, do so. But if every word you say has to do with how long your husband has been gone, it gets annoying and no one will want to talk to you.
4. Check your patriotism at the door. It's great to be proud of your husband. But a newborn in dress blues looks creepy, not cute. If your husband is in New Orleans cleaning up after a hurricane, that's awesome - but he's not defending our freedom, so stop telling everyone that he is. Just because your husband is in Iraq does not mean people do not have the right to think it's a stupid war. Because it is. And for goodness sake, stop turning every religious, cultural, and otherwise fun holiday into "a time to remember the troops." Seriously, you're ruining the holiday for everyone.
5. Grow the hell up. If you can't manage to live on your own for six months, why did you marry a Marine? Did he not tell you what he did for a living before you got married? Living in mom and dad's basement at 30 years old is pathetic, even if it's only while he is deployed. Stop whining, stop using guilt and forced patriotism to get people to do things for you, get off your butt, and take care of yourself and your children. Learn to change a lightbulb. Learn to change a tire. Learn to do yard work. That's what grown-ups do.
6. Keep your legs closed during the deployments. It's a common problem, but I don't think I need to elaborate any farther.
7. Quit being an idiot. The guy who shows up at your door asking to use the phone, then comes inside and comments on your electronics, your alarm system and your deployed husband is not just there to use the phone. You idiots who fall for this are the reason that people target military wives - because they think I am just as stupid as you are.
8. Stop asking for special priviledges. If your phone rings during a movie, and it's your husband calling from wherever he is this week, you still need to leave the theatre to talk to him. No one should HAVE to go to your fourth of July barbecue because you are a military family. And if you don't pay your bills, things will (and should) still get repossessed. Don't call the news and have them do a story about the poor Marine Spouse who lost her car because, even though she is getting several hundred extra dollars a month, she didn't pay for it and the mean ol' bank took it away.
It's a unique lifestyle, and it can be a little tough at first. But as you're sitting on the couch, watching Lifetime movies and eating ice cream while feeling sorry for yourself, there are thousands of people who have it way worse. You are a single parent for only seven months. You have a place to live, a steady paycheck, free medical care, cheap groceries, cheap day care, scholarship programs specifically for you, and an amazing support system, all provided by the Marines. Next time you think you have it bad, tell it to the single mom who can't get her child support, works too many hours to spend time with her disabled child, and doesn't know where next month's rent, her next meal, or her child's medical care will come from.
Apparently, my first comment didn't take.
ReplyDeletePlease tell us how you really feel.:)
I've always said that you were the perfect military wife model. You looked at what you signed up for in the eye, and run with it.
Awwww, thanks!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, in my life experience, you are more like an officer's wife than an enlisted. Just based on observation.
ReplyDeleteMaybe. Most officers don't get married 15 minutes after their wife graduates from high school, so they have a little more life experience. Maybe that's the difference.
ReplyDeleteI think that makes a huge difference.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to add: Quit thinking the government owes you everything b/c you graduated from HS, didn't want to go to college and took the first guaranteed job with training you could get... or your boyfriend did.
ReplyDeleteAnd just b/c having another baby is cheap and it means a bigger house in base housing, doesn't mean you have to have 4 of them by the time you're 25, especially if you know your husband is going to be deployed every other year.
P.S. I may not be married to a military member but I grew up a 'brat' so I have a bit of experience with military life. I have the utmost respect for our military members and I do think being a military spouse has significant challenges but so does every day life, marriage and family aside from the military.
There are several types of people who join the military. The ones I respect the most are those who want to do some good for the world or get the chance to travel. Others just want to have power over others, or get respect from the simple act of wearing a uniform. Some do it to get college paid for. Then there are the ones who did it because it is a steady job with good benefits. Also a valid reason, especially in this economy. While in many cases, this can be a very responsible act on their part, these are often the ones who are married to women like the ones described above.
ReplyDelete