Giving

My first real experience in a big city was when I moved to Atlanta for college. This was the first time I had ever had to worry about my car being stolen. Or ridden a train anywhere. Or had to deal with serious traffic. Most importantly, it was the first time I had ever been face-to-face with the problem of homelessness. When I visited the school in the dead of winter, I cried like a baby when I saw someone asleep on a park bench, covered in newspapers. And I was utterly horrified when I offered to take the leftovers from my job at a restaurant and give them to homeless people, and my manager said I couldn't do it.

Then one day, I was on the train on my way to school when I noticed a woman in tears across from me. She told me that she needed formula for her baby, and didn't know how she was going to get it - and was out looking for a job today. I couldn't imagine seeing your own child hungry and not being able to solve the problem. So I gave her ten dollars. She burst into tears and thanked me about a dozen times. Half an hour after getting off the train, I saw her again. Coming out of the store with a carton of cigarettes, but no baby formula. I felt betrayed and angry that my money had contributed to lung Cancer, rather than feeding a hungry child. For the first time in my life, I understood the perspective of the people who refuse to help people who are begging on the street.

The fact is that there are always going to be people who take advantage of the system. Whether "the system" is welfare, unemployment, disability, or simply the kindness of strangers, you can never be sure that you are really helping someone who needs help. Sometimes, people will take advantage of you. It's horrifying to think that your attempt to help was a waste of time and money. But does this mean we should stop helping?

I spent a couple of months stewing in my anger about the deception on the train. Then one day, on the train again, a man and a woman got on. The man was well dressed and angry-looking. The woman, however, was thin as a rail with sunken eyes, hair that was all over the place, and obvious track marks on her arms. The well-dressed man spoke quietly with her. Although I couldn't hear what he was saying, it was obvious he was extremely unhappy. Without raising her eyes to look at anyone, the woman stood up, showed a hospital bracelet around her wrist, and announced to the train that she was homeless and hungry, and trying to get back home after she had been mugged and gone to the hospital to treat her injuries. She asked if anyone could spare a couple of dollars to help. The man sat down in a seat near the front and watched her every move as she made her way through the aisle, collecting change from the few people who paid attention to her. It occurred to me that this man was her pimp, or her dealer, or someone who was going to make her life a living hell if she didn't give him whatever money he was owed. Although I had no interest in giving this man money, it occurred to me that he may hurt or kill her if I didn't. Call me naive, but I gave her a couple of dollars anyway.

Our country, thanks to the Tea Party and a handful of other key players, is going through a selfish phase. Homeless people are deadbeats. AIDS patients are just reaping what they sow. And starving people in other parts of the world are not our problem, because Americans are the only ones that matter. Somehow, it has become acceptable to sit on our butts in our big houses with our plasma televisions and sports cars, while children in Somalia are starving to death. I was actually told the other day that Somalia could solve their own problems by overthrowing the government. Really? You can't read, know virtually nothing about the government, have no real access to weapons, and....well....there's also the problem that you are 25 years old and weigh 80 pounds, which most likely cuts down on your ability to fight effectively. Did you hear that, starving child in Somalia? It's your fault.

The fact is that as human beings, we all have an obligation to help however we can. You don't have to give away your life savings, but which is going to make more of a difference 20 years from now: If you drop half a million dollars on a gas-guzzling Italian sports car? Or if you take half of that money for a nice, reasonable car, and give the rest to a charity that provides food and clothing for a refugee camp? Which will you remember more: spending the afternoon sitting on the couch watching football? Or volunteering to educate homeless, pregnant teens about how best to ensure that their child is healthy?

The same people who bitch about the fact that the average American gives slightly less than $100 per year in taxes for foreign aid, are often the first to point out that America is the greatest country in the world. And it IS a great country. But it didn't become that way by being selfish and ignoring those in need. If that was the case, this country never would have survived the Depression. Yes, sometimes, we will unwittingly throw away our money for someone who doesn't really need it. But I bet the person who manages to live to see adulthood because of someone else's kindness will appreciate it enough to more than make up for the con artists. It's well worth the risk, in my opinion.

Answering....or not answering....the important questions....

Let me start by clarifying a couple of things. I am not, and most likely will not ever, say that there is no God. I am also not saying that there is a God, and am just as adamant that I will likely never say that. If you would like detailed instructions on what you should believe, then find another blog. There are plenty out there that will do just that - just not this one. I do, however, think it's an interesting discussion, and a question that everyone should seriously think through.

The science vs religion debate has been raging since Aristarchus became the first well known heretic for exhibiting independent thought. Probably even before that, actually. It's a pointless argument for a lot of reasons, not the least being that the basis of most of the world's religions is faith, not proof. You can not prove or disprove the existence of God. Period. As a scientist, I very rarely say that you can't possibly do something. But in this case, that's precisely what I'm doing. Science can't disprove it because any scientific principle that is used can be countered with, "God made that principle." Proving it is just as tricky, because a "miracle" cure could be due to modern medicine, The complexity of the human eyeball has been explained scientifically ad nauseum, but is still used as an argument to "prove" that God exists. And that vision of the Virgin Mary by the underpass? Yeah, that's probably just mold, which will make you sick if you camp out next to it.

The thing that people fail to realize is that it is okay to come to a conclusion without absolute proof. Scientists do it all the time. How many times have we been "sure" of something, only to have someone disprove it a few decades later? Once we were "sure" the Earth was the center of everything. Then we were "sure" the sun was the center of everything. Now we have a good idea where the center is, but have the sense to admit that we're not sure of anything. The important thing is to keep questioning. This applies to both sides of the argument. Science is worthless if one does not take the time to fully understand it and have the willingness to change your opinion when necessary. Religion is worthless if you don't question it and resolve that it really makes sense to you … as opposed to believing whatever your parents told you to without question.

The problem I have with this argument is that neither side answers the fundamental question: What happened at the very beginning? Quantum Fluctuations provide a pretty good explanation of how "something" could come from "nothing." But fails to answer WHY it happens. Mainly because the purpose of science is to answer "how," not "why." Religion has a similar problem. Okay, so God said it, and it was so. That answers the "why" but not the "how." Not to mention that it doesn't answer the question of "What created God?" Is it really okay to accept that God has "just always been," but not accept that energy and space (the only requirements for the Big Bang) have "just always been?" I admit that both of those arguments bother the crap out of me.

It has often been said that an organism only has the capacity to understand something simpler than itself. A worm can't possibly understand the inner workings of a more complex creature. In fact, it likely can't understand much beyond "Dig, eat, dig, eat." - because that is its function. Something as complex as a digestive system is beyond its capacity because it is totally alien for the worm. Humans, on the other hand, have the capability of understanding almost all animals…..except humans. Why do you think the study of Psychology progresses so much more slowly than the other sciences? Because we simply do not have the capacity to understand our own complexity, much less something bigger and more complex than we are, such as God or the science behind the creation of the Universe. If there is a God, we have no more hope of proving it scientifically than a worm has of explaining how it gets nutrients from dirt. If there isn't a God, I doubt we will fully understand the inner workings of the Universe. That, in fact, would make us Gods - which is not only mind boggling, but starts a whole new series of debates.

So my point is that I'm okay with not knowing. People who (frequently) tell me to "make a decision" and get off the fence of Agnosticism are asking the impossible. Don't get me wrong, I plan on continuing to TRY to figure it all out. We can always learn more, but we will never understand it all. So like a good scientist, I refuse to settle on a theory until I have adequate evidence. I have, however, settled on a couple of core principles. First, if there is a God, he did not give us intellectual abilities for nothing. We are allowed and expected to question, and draw conclusions in whatever way we see fit. (I would be seriously worried about my child if he never asked questions, and I suspect that God feels the same way.) Second, since questioning is an integral part of our existence, I find it hard to believe that a loving God would send us to hell if we looked at all the options, and chose the wrong one. Everyone makes mistakes. That is, after all, one of the core beliefs of Christianity as well.

Steel Magnolias

One of my oldest and most darling friends passed away. We knew this was coming. It just came faster than we thought. He left no children, but he did leave us the love of his life, who has become as much a part of my heart as he was. I will miss him for the rest of his life, as he always was, but I am grateful that he gave me the beautiful friend of his wife I'd have never known otherwise. She gives me a comfort and love that I can only ever hope to find some way to repay to them both.

This wonderful group of women has a foundation that has been tried, has been distant, has gone years without speaking, and it never matters. No matter what happens, happy, sad, or dull, each day brings us closer together, and I genuinely feel sorry for people that do not have what we have.